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5s v Grammar
OIFC Forum5th XI Reports

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  Red Molotov

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Joined: 28 September 2009
Posts: 37
Posted: 27 September 2011 at 9:28pm | IP Logged  

5X1 V Enfield Grammar Lost 5-0
 
 
Pre match talk was solely focussed on Phil Mac's health as he was spotted last weekend receiving felatio from an amorous Irish gypsy lady in the doorway of Greggs in Enfield Town. Phil couldn't recall the incident and is unavailable next week as he's going to France next week for the Arc De Triomphe - either that or he's filming the next series of My Big Fat Gypsy wedding.
 
The omens were not good when the team had to introduce each other before the game as no one had a clue who was who.
 
Early exchanges saw Grammar camped in our half like a rake of unwanted Romanian squatters, our defence would clear the ball up front only for our strikers (combined height 5'6) to be beaten in the air by the taller Grammar backs who would then start the next wave of attack.
 
Most of our players had taken a vow of silence (possibly until Michael Barrymore is back on Prime Time TV?) which led to players not knowing if there was man on, players open et al. In addition our laborious approach to tackles and headers meant that we came off second best most of the time. This is schoolboy stuff lads and some of the squad know far better than this.
 
Eventually we capitulated just before half time and Grammar scored a goal through poor defending from us.
 
The only reason we got to half-time at 1-0 was the heroics of Brady in goal, twice he heaved his 6'3 18 stone frame to the bottom corners of the goal to save certain goals.
 
At half time Burridge (who had showed some glimpses of what he could do) came off due to leprosy of the feet with General Franco  coming on and our captain naively turned it into a double substitution by bringing on Sean as well.
 
Grammar quickly doubled their lead but this seemed to galvanise out team Albeit temporarily).
 
General Franco got stuck in from the off and proved to be a real menace on the right flank whilst PJ on the opposite flank did the same. After some nifty footwork General Franco ghosted a couple of players and beat their keeper but unfortunately his effort hit the post.
 
Shorty after this Ryan Ford succumbed to a hamstring injury and as we had no other subs we went down to ten men. On a good but hard pitch, soaring temperatures and it being the first game of the season - grammar duly punished us.
 
 
We eventually shipped a further 3 goals and we can only blame ourselves as Grammar were by no means unbeatable.
 
A lot of games need to be raised next week - not one of us could say we tried out hardest which is tragically poor.
 
Brady won the MOM with General Franco and Paul Gunn also in the running.
 
Worth noting that two players who cried off this week (Tom Barrett and Chris Harrington) actually went off to play golf - or so they told their wives. Both of their cars were actually spotted at a notorious dogging spot off the M11. Lets see them trying to explain the respective Dog and Ginger pubes in their teeth to their wives!

 

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