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5th XI v Edmontonians Away (League)
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  Red Molotov

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Joined: 28 September 2009
Posts: 37
Posted: 04 October 2011 at 10:28am | IP Logged  

5X1 Away V Edmontonians - Lost 7-2
Senator John McCain spent two years in a Bamboo cage being tortured every day after his plane was shot down in Nam, he then got pipped to the Presidency in the land of the free by the son of a muslim goat herder - when Senator McCain was asked to manage the fives this year he said "F'ck that, I'd rather get roasted in a bamboo cage by obama and the Harlem Grobetrotters".
Being a captain of the fives is hard, its made even harder when two players cry off one hour before kick after contracting AIDS
We arrived in the badlands of N9 only to be informed that our winger had been seen loitering around Edmonton Lower School so erstwhile No 2 Trigger who never needs an excuse to rip off his shirt and roll by in his low ride duly rescued the winger from having to sign the S@x offenders register.
With no recognised goalkeeper, fair play to Sean Ruane who volunteered to go in goal but unfortunately his team mates let him down as from the off Eds were all over us and we were lucky to go into half time at 0-4 down. Simple things like a lack of communication, letting the ball bounce, not supporting or showing for team mates when they have the ball cost us dearly. The only person who was up for it in the first half was Richard Mullen who had a great battle with their big no 9.
At half time reinforcements came in the form of the Durkin brothers who kindly answered a last minute SOS.
At half time we all ranted and raved about our abysmal performance but it was Trigg who quoted Confucius "you lads are paying a tenner to get your a$$es kicked, cop on".
This pearl of wisdom finally fuelled the fires in players bellies and we were a totaly different team in the second half. Rob and Pete Johnson began marauiding up wings whilst McKevitt seemed to be everywhere with some great tackles and interceptions. Despite a well organised Eds continuing to pressure us, our midfield of Ruane, Franco, Durkin sr and jr begn to play the ball on the deck and we finally began to trouble the Eds Emmerdale keeper. Cowley and Ford began to interchange well and after a fine passing move Ford fed Ruane to blast home our fightback. Unfortunately we then went to sleep again and Eds scored 3 more in quick succession!
Thanks to the crossbar and some outstanding saves by Steve Mac (who kindly swapped with Ruane at halftime) Eds didn't add to their tally and the last ten minutes was all Ignatians and Ford added a late consolation.
As loathe as I am to say it - we actually played well in the second half and if we start like that next week and don't go to sleep we'll actually win games!
We need to be switched on and up for it from the off and due to results elsewhere the league title is still anyones.
Question is lads - Do you want to go home and f@ck the prom queen as a winner or jack off  over Bruce Forsyth on Strictly Cum Dancing as a loser?
Speaking of f@cking - Pete Johnson in the last minute of the game decided to start humping the corner flag - a strange and degrading sight.
Fair play to John Farrell and Trigger who despite being injured have turned up to support the team for the past two weeks - true stalwarts of the club and their support is greatly appreciated.
MOM - goes to Tricky Dicky, a warrior in the air and a constant source of encouragement to other players (Inspector Cowley, McKevitt and PJ also had good games)
Tom Barrett/Chris Harrington update - no shows again this week as they have been given a sophena to attend the Michael Jackson trial. They were both working as Morgue attendants when the autopsy showed three types of seamen in jackos back passage post death - the other sample is rumoured to have come from Bubbles.
NOTICE - a benefit race night is being held in St Monica's Social Club on 04 November - all proceeds raised will go to getting McKevitt and Ford a haircut
El Capitan
TRIGGERS CORNER.............................
Not too much to add to the report this week. But I didn't think it was possible for John Farrell's daughters to cry more than what they did in the first week but they succeeded. This can only be due to the poor result on the pitch. Lets hope next weeks performance improves and thus reduces the Farrellettes Cryometer
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