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5s V Latymer
OIFC Forum5th XI Reports

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  oifc_admin
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Joined: 24 April 2007
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 463
Posted: 11 January 2012 at 12:55pm | IP Logged  

 

Away V Latymer Lost 5-1

 

We were the first guests of Enfield Towns new stadia at the weekend and compared to the old days in donkey lane the place is unrecognisable. Our changing room was spacious and we had our own toilet and shower facilities.

 

Unfortunately one of the team decided to do a dump on the toilet seat to christen the place. I urge the as yet unknown player to seek help urgently, the stool was revolting.

 

Most of the team turned up on time save Heslin who is still AWOL.

 

Niall '32 not 26' Mckevitt was a little late and the reason why was soon clear as his kit bag spilled onto the floor. Inside was a full flight controller outfit including plane landing flags etc. Its advisable for people to travel via boat for the near future.

 

In addition and more disturbingly he then produced a black leather glove to house his valuables. It transpires that this was the other glove in the OJ Simpson trial. Looks like OJ was innocent after all!

 

Pete Johnson selflessly offered to go goal too.

 

The first twenty minutes was end to end from both teams, Latymer more than beat us for pace but when we kept the ball on the deck we constantly threatened. Jamie, clifford and McKevitt all had chances but all fluffed there chances.

 

We fell behind due to switching off at the back and were duly punished.

 

Fortunately the players didn't drop their heads and we continued to press the oppo with Jamie, Sean Nolan and danger zone all having an excellent first half.

 

Just after half time our pressure paid off and McKevitt was hacked down in the box. Ruane stepped up and cooley smashed home the penalty to level the scores (becoming our top goal scorer on two goals).

 

Unfortunately despite playing our best football of the season we soon capitulated to another soft goal. Instead of trying to get back in the game some players seemed to think it was Summerslam 88 and started suplexing their opponents all over the pitch instead of playing football.

 

Whilst we were diving off the top rope, Latymer were still playing football and hit three more without reply.

 

One of which was a penalty after Pharrell had tried to remove an oppo players abomination of a haircut. This didn't work so Pharrel just elbowed him in the face for good measure.

 

Another loss and the season is slowly slipping away but while we still have a chance of staying up we'll fight to the end.

 

Fair play to Tom Barrett for turning up to support us but he ruined it all by encouraging players to get in the shower after game and loitered around in changing room taking photos on his new camera phone.

 

JOB jr, Phil Mac and Pharrel then took an eternity to get changed after re-creating scenes from Shawshank Redemption.

 

MOM was a draw between danger zone and Nolan with the former just edging it. I also thought Jamie was excellent at times when he wasn't urinating on the side of the pitch. Also Stuart Jordan had a great first half.

 

Tom Mullarkey/Chris Harrington watch - no shows this week from the ginger gits. They held a mass ginger gang bang train to raise money for persecuted gay gingers around the world. Attendance was good with Mick Hucknall and Chris Evans both performing their greatest hits in the gang bang train. Unfortunately Bradley from Eastenders choked to death on Geri Halliwells spunk so won't be returning next year.

 

Yours,

 

Edmund Dantes 

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