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5s V Uffingtonians
OIFC Forum5th XI Reports

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  oifc_admin
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Joined: 24 April 2007
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 463
Posted: 16 January 2012 at 1:13pm | IP Logged  

Away V Uffs Lost 5-2

 

Straight after the scene in Ghostbusters when the mayor asks the team what they need to defeat the Marshmellow Man you see a souped up ambulance being escorted through town by cops on motorbikes and air support. After the kit debacle before xmas we took no chances and the kit was better guarded than Renegade and Renaissance.  So we set off in earnest in our armoured convoy to wily Cricklewood full of hope and Ruane's rebel songs ringing in our ears.

 

Unfortunately two players did not show. Clifford was tied to a bird's bed in Wood Green and O Brien had a 'construction issue' - more of O Brien's sorry tale at the end of the report.

 

From the odyssey to Cricklewood we found out that Ruane makes a lot of money from cleaning windows, McKevitts parents met in a loony bin, Holly couldn't direct p1ss and McLaughlin has an unhealthy obsession with the Edgware Road.

 

On arrival there were no changing rooms available so we had to get togged out by the side of the pitch. Unfortunately due to the proximity of a children's playground, a number of the team felt it would breach their bail conditions to drop their trousers in front of toddlers so we were forced to change miles from the pitch in a power station.

 

Fortunately Northern Joe happened to be walking past and was soon tapped up (Tommy Goonan would have been proud!) and we were able to take to the field with a full side.

 

McKevitt offered to keep the sticks for the first half and that was fortunate as a great save from him in the first few minutes ensured that our lethargic start wasn't punished. We need to be switched on from the off in future lads.

 

Early exchanges went both ways but the schoolboy error of stopping and holding your arms up when you believe a player is offside cost us again as it allowed the Uffs striker to run clean through on goal to give them the lead. Its ludicrous that we've conceded about five goals this way this season, of course throw an arm in the air but don't stop running! No linesmen means the ref has to make a split second decision and as they are normally wrong - why do it lads?

 

A second uffs goal soon followed but credit to the team, this was the catalyst that finally put fire in players bellys. Daly had a great first half as did most of the team and our dogged determination paid off when Ruane jinked past a couple of defenders and allowed Jamie to run in and fire the ball into the bottom corner to make the score 2-1.

 

We were now playing the ball on the deck and actually looking for return passes. Maclaughlin, PJ, Dan And Boyle all used the flanks to good affect whilst Ruane and Gunn held their own in the centre.

 

As ever Pharrel was unbeatable in the air and the front two of Dan and Jamie caused constant problems.

 

A stupid third goal was conceded on half time but we all said at half time the game wasn't lost if we kept the effort up.

 

Shortly after half time this proved true when Northern Joe rounded their keeper and made the score 3-2.

 

For the next half an hour it was all Old Is, countless chances went begging the worst being Holly who having somehow outsprinted the entire uffs team failed to connect with the ball and allowed a tap in to go begging.

 

The last ten minutes of every game has always proved our downfall due to poor fitness and again we were punished by two late goals.

 

It wasn't helped by the fact that Pharrell and McKevitt elected to perform Torvill and Dean's Bolero routine in front of goal instead of defending.

 

So, another game and another loss but we are improving. If we get out running during the week we WILL climb the league table.

 

MOM went to Ruane and his battle with Jamie to be top goalscorer will go to the death.

 

Tom Barrett/Chris Harrington/Tom Mullarkey watch - no shows again this week. In protest at not being allowed same s@x berths aboard cruise liners, the three bandits used their er@ctions to torpedo the cruise ship that sank off the Italian coast at the weekend.

 

Finally...............

 

Got a text off O Brien on Saturday morning to inform the team he was unable to attend the game due to a construction issue at his house.   

 

I was going past O Briens house after the game and to my horror found out the construction issue - at least 200 men were lined up outside O Brien's stark boll@ck naked except for a buidlers tool belt and a hard hat on their heads.

 

At the door was O Brien dressed as a motorcycle cop, Mullan as red indian chief, McManus as an army guy and Wayno in leathers with a false moustache.

 

Above them was a banner that read:

 

'Village People tribute act, open auditions today - construction worker needed'

 

 

Yours,

 

Edmund Dantes

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